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Anyone not afraid of intimacy and openness either has never been hurt in their connection with others (and who might that be?), or has no real sense of what intimacy means. If we have felt the hurt or shame of having our open heart rejected, then naturally it becomes scary to take the risk of being open-hearted. But this kind of risk-taking is what makes it possible to actually feel and benefit from real connection: the safety, warmth, togetherness, and the comfort that relationships can provide us. Having been wounded (especially if it happened frequently) can cause people to build a wall instead of learning how to skillfully use a shield. We all need protection and the ability to distance or disconnect when it's appropriate, but there should be flexibility. Therapy can help you be more nimble so that you can defend yourself effectively against harm but also allow in the good things.

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Jason Seidel, Psy.D.

main phone: 303-547-3700

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The Colorado Center
for Clinical Excellence